Why puppy poop makes me a happier person

I have to be honest; my dogs have been TERRIBLE this week. Our beloved living room couch has significant new chew holes in it, important papers and receipts have been viciously shredded to pieces, and the overriding scent of the apartment can only be described as, "Eau de dog urine." As someone who loves order, this drives me batty. Before returning home from school I can safely assume that there WILL be puppy pee and poop on the floor, all furniture is fair game for fresh chew marks, and there's always the bonus probability of puppy puke if they've ingested anything particularly exciting in my absence.

Every morning it's like a game; Aaron and I try to locate and prevent all potential furball-related incidents. All cords and appliances are stashed away. Books are tactically placed out of the "puppy district." This morning we even removed the couch cushions and stashed them safely away from puppy teeth, claws, and excrement zones. Naturally, I came home to find the box-spring of the couch demolished, its stuffing spread across the hardwood floor like freshly fallen snow. Toby (the youngest of the mischievous duo) popped his little nose out enthusiastically and panted in satisfaction at his newly created fort. Nugget (my slightly older, significantly more spastic puppy) wagged his tail, jumping up and down at my arrival. "NO!" I scolded them, "This is Bad!" Tails wagged more rapidly. "Bad. Bad bad bad." Wagwagwag. I shook my head, half in admiration, half in disgust. They did a pretty good job at destroying the apartment with the few resources they were given. Well played, young pups.

As a general part of my personality, I have a hard time staying mad at anyone. This is particularly true with my puppies. Yes, they've been ungodly destructive lately, and yes they've each gotten Giardia 2-3 times since we've gotten them, costing several hundred dollars each time we've taken them to the vet (FYI it costs $25 to get and test a stool sample. Seriously now.) But, all things considered, they're one of the great joys in my life. They can be complete boneheads about some things (they magically forget how to "sit" unless I've got a treat in my hand, and their favorite times to bark are late at night, early in the morning, and when I'm trying to study) but there are some aspects of life I think they've got figured out. They teach me invaluable lessons on life, and I'll be forever grateful for them. Of course, they teach me patience, responsibility, unconditional love...but I don't want to sound too much like an ad for "Chicken Soup for the Dog Lover's Soul" here. Today I realized the importance of puppy poop in my daily routine.

In addition to being somewhat of a clean freak and an exercise fanatic, I'm an avid studier. I wasn't always like this. My experience in the military molded me into what I like to call a "learned type-A" personality. This doesn't happen to everyone, but it certainly stuck with me. Anyway. These past few weeks I've had mid-terms in several of my classes. Additionally I've been planning and organizing things for my role as a mentor for Team in Training. Also, I'm determined to start blogging again, after some motivation from one of the inspirational figures in my life. Because I've got all these new activities on my plate, and because I'm still figuring out how to manage my time around them, I've been spending a lot of time at the computer, typing away like a madwoman. Inevitably, my puppies decide they need to pee, or poop, or sniff the grass every hour or so.

If I KNEW that they only wanted to sniff the grass, I might let them sit at the door for a while when I'm occupied with a project. But because they're still puppies and don't have great control of their bodily functions yet, I never know when that ticking time-bomb is set to go off and they're ready to release the infamous "stinky chocolate soft-serve" in the house. So I have to treat every situation like it's an emergency; clip on their leashes, rush them outside, let them sniff the grass, and wait for them to do their business. This process can take a while. Sniffing is kind of a big deal with Beagles. It's like the most fun thing they can do aside from destroying our furniture. So I stand outside with them while they smell every tree, try to eat the rocks, roll in the grass, and generally have an awesome time. I want to rush them along, but what can I do, really? Squeeze their bellies like a tube of toothpaste and stay out of the splash zone? All I can do is wait.

Which brings me to why I'm grateful to my little furry buddies. If I don't HAVE to take a break from studying, I won't. I'll just grind myself into a textbook induced oblivion, stopping when only when my brain begs me for mercy or ceases to function. When I'm standing outside, waiting for that puppy magic to happen, I remember to take the time to look up at the sky, admire the clouds, and sometimes investigate what the little guys find so interesting. I talk to them all the time, and I'm sure my neighbors think I'm crazy. They'll walk by while I'm asking important questions like, "What did you find guys? Is that a good bush to pee on? Looks good to me!" Nugget and Toby make me wonder at their endless enthusiasm for bugs, plants and interesting scents. I think we could all use a little more of that curiosity. My puppies remind me that life is seriously awesome, even the little things like tasty clumps of leaves and smelly dirt clods. They make me laugh without even trying, and I think that's the greatest gift I could ask for from these tiny little bundles of love.

The lazy person's guide to starting and maintaining an exercise routine

While I am undoubtedly a fitness fanatic, there are days that I really really reallyreallyreally don't want to work out. But with very few exceptions, I've managed to work out 5-6 days a week for probably 10 years or more. This isn't always easy, and there have definitely been times where I've given into tiredness/stress/general feelings of ickyness, and I rarely feel better when I forgo the workout. In most cases I feel significantly better after a sweat sesh, especially if I felt unmotivated due to stress or general tiredness. Because we all KNOW the benefits of exercise, I've devised several (nearly) fool-proof methods for making it happen on those tough days when I'd much rather curl up in a warm blanket and cuddle with my puppies than turn myself into a hot, sweaty, exhausted mess. My favorite methods to overcome Dont-Wanna-Workout-itis are outlined below:

1. The Sneak Attack- My current system of exercise insurance. I set my alarm clock an hour earlier than usual, lay out (or sleep in) my workout clothes, and blissfully drift off to dreamland. When my alarm goes off I shift to autopilot; get out of bed, throw on workout clothes (clearly this step isn't necessary if I slept in them), lace up my shoes, and burst out the door or start my favorite dvd before my brain has time to register what's going on. I like to be as drowsy as possible when I start working out, so by the time my brain realizes what's happening, I'm already halfway done and might as well keep going. If Basic Training taught me anything, it's that working out is way easier when you don't have an internal debate about whether you're going to do it or not. Your body knows what to do. Just get it done. Sidenote: if you're extremely clumsy I wouldn't recommend this technique with moves that require tremendous coordination unless you're in the safety of your own home. I use the Sneak Attack method when running on flat surfaces (no trail-running here..), and when I use my Jillian Michaels dvd. I may not have perfect form, but I figure as long as I'm flailing my arms around and kicking my legs haphazardly, I'm going to work up a sweat.

2. Continual and Relentless Denial- This is a personal favorite, and a technique I frequently use for races. It works equally well when I'm faced with other things that I don't necessarily feel like doing (ie giving a presentation, doing homework, or anything new and scary). It works like this; you tell yourself you're NOT going to do the thing you're going to do, but you're getting ready just in case you feel like it later. Example: "I'm not really going for a run; I'm just putting on my Nike shorts and T-Shirt in case I DO feel like running at some point in time today. Also, the swishy fabric of my shorts and this soft cotton tee are really comfy, and I can always run errands in them, or just relax around the house while looking athletic." This dialogue is effective as long as you need it to be; it's amazing how far denial can go; "I'm not going to compete in this race, but if I stand around with these people wearing numbers and running shoes at the starting line, I have a better opportunity to wish them luck in the final seconds before the gun goes off." It evens works mid-workout; "I'm not going to finish the whole exercise video, I'm just doing the warm-up to get my blood flowing and listen to some funky 80's music." It sounds ridiculous, but the powers of denial are strong, and by the time you've come to grips with reality that you ARE in fact doing what you didn't want to do, you realize it's not as bad as you thought. I feel like this could be a subset of the Sneak Attack method.

3. Dialing Down the Intensity- Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than doing a half-assed workout when I feel super unmotivated. I seriously feel like I'm getting away with something. If I usually work out 45-60 minutes at a higher intensity, I'll either reduce the time of my workout, or my effort, or both. I'll go for a "run" at a speed that hardly qualifies as a shuffle, making sure to gaze at the scenery, amble onto whatever path feels easiest at the time, and relish the fact that I'm sticking it to the workout gods by making a mockery out of everything they stand for. I'll do a workout, but I won't DO a workout if you know what I mean. Plus I get the added benefit of claiming a workout for the day. Notice how I mentioned I work out 5-6 days a week in the beginning of my post? That's right. I even get to count the craptastic days. Makes me sound like a badass, and keeps that exercise momentum going. It's much easier to skip a workout when your track record has been spotty, but when missing a workout means taking a complete deviation from the norm you're much less likely to do it. There's a secret added bonus to this method as well; 99 percent of the time you'll feel so good after you get all that oxygen pumping in your lungs, and you'll want to try hard. I try not to think about this when I use this system; it messes with my "sticking it to the man" justification.

4. Motivation- This one sounds obvious, but it's amazing how few people actually utilize this technique. Everyone who wants to exercise has a reason. But it's unreal how many people forget those reasons once it's TIME to get up and do it. We use excuses to justify our actions, or rather, lack thereof. The reason doesn't have to be epic, it just has to be honest. Motivation can change daily. One day I might want to exercise because I secretly dream of competing in an Ironman and I know I have to start somewhere if I ever want to do it. The next day I might just want to look good in my skinny jeans. A lot of the time, I get my motivation from Aaron; how can I justify sitting around when he consistently kicks butt at the gym? There's something to be said for being in a relationship with someone who's ridiculously buff and motivated. I want him to be just as proud of me as I am of him! This works with friends, coworkers, and family too. Even when I am pumped to exercise, I like to run through a mental list of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Ultimately, working out is good for your physical, emotional, and mental health, and it's worth doing no matter what your reason is.

How to make a green smoothie that doesn't suck

I know, I know. I told you yesterday that I would be shifting my focus from food this month, and I am, seriously! Yesterday I had a totally awesome day out on the town with Aaron doing tons of explore-y, non food related-y type activities. And it rocked and I'll probably write about it sometime. But, I figured that because I DO have all this nutritional knowledge/wisdom jammed in my head, I might as well let it out and share some with the world. Kind of like seeing a priest or bishop; you've got all these things weighing on your mind, you let out everything that's been bothering you, and when you're done....relief! I'm not Catholic, but I confess! I'm a green smoothie addict, and you can be too if you want after reading this post :)

For those of you not in the vegan community, you may not realize it, but green smoothies are kind of a big deal. Huge, actually. Like Michael Jackson huge. Whether you love them or hate them, you know they exist, and you've probably tried them, either sparking a new obsession or triggering your gag reflex. I'm here to tell you how to prevent the latter.

When I first started making green smoothies, I hadn't really browsed recipes for them. I figured, what's to read? They're smoothies...that are green...which means blending a bunch of vegetables together and drinking them! Even though I was wary of creating a sludgy hulk-colored Frappccino abomination, I wanted to experience the supposed energy boost I'd get from the vitamin-packed, antioxidant rich magical elixir I'd caught wind of in the online vegan community. So I threw all the beautiful veggies I could dream up into a blender; spinach, carrots, broccoli, jicima, bell peppers, and dandelion leaves because I was feeling a bit crazy. I also rationalized that because I was a newbie to smoothie town, I'd break up the intense veggie magic with some sweeteners and flavor enhancers. I tossed in some frozen blueberries and unsweetened cocoa powder. The result? My "green" smoothie looked like a blender full of poop. And it tasted that way too.

Doggedly, I continued to experiment with different veggies, cursing the day I ventured into uncharted veggie-smoothie territory. Did I look at recipes? No. Did I accept Aaron's generous offer to "help" me with my smoothies? Of course not. Because I'm an idiot. It wasn't until I saw the documentary "Crazy Sexy Cancer" (which is uplifting but a little cheesy for me) and watched the bonus features on How To Make Green Smoothies that I realized just how many things I'd been doing to destroy the potentially delicious concoctions. I made some key corrections to my misguided smoothie recipe, and voila! Green smoothie heaven! You couldn't stop me from chugging them like a sorority girl on dollar beer night if you tried! Here are some basic instructions for making a green smoothie that will make your taste buds sing and your energy skyrocket. :)

1. KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid)- I cannot emphasize this enough. Throwing everything but the kitchen sink into the blender tends to result in a drink that tastes like something clogged in the kitchen sink. I've found this to be true with most recipes in general. I'm a terrible cook, and am just now discovering the beauty of a few well-combined ingredients. Aaron is the great cook of our household, and I'm slowly letting go of my stubbornness and allowing him to be my Sensei of the kitchen. 6 ingredients or less is usually best.

2. Don't try to make vegetables taste like chocolate. This is clearly a bad idea, and I don't know why I thought it would work. The only time I've ever heard of chocolate and veggies gathering together in perfect harmony is in the occasional baked good, where zucchini or squash sneakily nestles among the other flavorful ingredients as a texture enhancer.

3. Don't mix and match your veggie colors and flavors. If you want a GREEN smoothie, it's best to include veggies that are GREEN. Also, you want to stick to a specific flavor idea. Like if you want a "fresh and light" smoothie, you should probably only include fresh, subtle veggies to put into your smoothie. No adding heavy starchy carrots with delicate cucumbers. They don't play well together.

4. Don't put in veggies that are going to leave "debris". Unless you like chewing your drink. Carrots leave behind chunks. So does jicima. Broccoli leaves behind those cute little broccoli ball top thingies. It's grainy and the experience is reminiscent of drinking puke.

5. Read. Recipes. Follow. Recipes. Experiment later.

That's it! Here's my recipe for my favorite favorite favorite green smoothie, and then a link to smoothies that probably taste a lot better than mine anyway.

Amanda's Amazingly Non-Sucky Green Smoothie Recipe
1 stalk celery
2-3 spears asparagus
small bunch of parsley
handful of frozen grapes (this helps with sweetness and a light flavor!)
1/2-1 frozen banana
1 scoop chai flavored vega whole foods health optimizer (I'm sure like 99 percent of you don't have this stuff, but I usually put that in to get some protein cuz I'm a vegan! And vegans need protein! So they say. You can put in any flavor of protein powder you want, I'd stick with something light like vanilla if you use any protein powder at all. Honestly it would probably taste better without this ingredient but would be less filling if you drink this shake for a meal)

And here's a website with green smoothie recipes that probably taste way better than mine but I'm too stubborn to admit it:

http://www.greendivamom.com/2008/12/14/12-great-tasting-green-smoothie-recipes/

Also, I included the obligatory picture of my own smoothie. It's not that pretty. Don't judge. AND I thought I'd include the ridiculous amounts of squash and avocados Aaron eats in the background of our picture. They're gorgeous! And not half the amount of veggies we eat in a week or 2!

De-Cluttering my life!

By most standards, I'm not a clutter-bug. In my apartment, "knick-knack" is a dirty word, and stressful weeks often result in whirlwind cleaning sessions taking over my Saturdays. I wasn't always like this. Growing up, my room resembled the aftermath of an epic battle; books, magazines, and dirty laundry littered the floor like wounded soldiers crying out to be escorted to the nearest aid-station. Dust collected on my nightstand and CD-player like debris accumulated from numerous explosions.

All of that changed when I went to Basic Training. Anyone who hasn't been doesn't understand the sheer volume of time that went into organizing, cleaning, straightening, and perfecting our (few) possessions. I vividly remember spending hours organizing my "security drawer"; a tiny locker in which we were allowed to keep roughly 7 essential toiletries; a mini bottle of shampoo, body soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, a razor, and a comb. All of these needed to be painstakingly placed in their "correct" positions atop a crisply folded white towel. I diligently worked alongside 50 other girls in silence, like employees in a sweatshop, while our Training Instructor strode authoritatively around the room, periodically scattering the contents of a drawer across the floor if he spied a stray piece of fuzz on a towel or a remnant drop of moisture on our toothbrush. Even though the hours of labor were maddening, those long days taught me a lot about the power of organization. In an environment where timing and efficiency were everything, I soon realized the simplicity and elegance of having a few possessions exactly where I needed them to be when I needed them.

6 years later, I don't live anywhere close to the rigorous requirements of a training environment. But, I do appreciate the beauty of minimalist living, and work to maintain a clutter-free environment. My apartment layout, beauty routine, exercise regimen, and daily routine are pretty simplistic. Recently I've started running without music, and let the sounds of the day power my workouts. I've always had a fairly routine diet, and since I've become vegan the majority of my food (in large part because I have zero cooking ability!) has consisted of oatmeal in the mornings, large salads, and frothy green smoothies. In our largely consumerist society, I feel like a bit of an oddball when I realize how pared-down my life is. But lately, I've fallen into that "more is better" mindset, and I didn't even realize I was doing it.

Since I became vegan, I've been really careful to do it the "right" way, which to me, means getting all the vital nutrients, making sure I get enough calories, and feeling energized throughout the day. Obviously, for my quality of life this is important. But in my quest for nutritional advice, I found myself inundated with a plethora of vegan recipes, food blogs, holistic healing websites, and decadent raw desserts! If you haven't done a search, I can tell you; it's literally a vegan eaters paradise on the internet! Suddenly I found myself sucked into the magic of it all; the recipes, the beautiful food pictures, the fantastic health claims. Live longer! Increase vitality! Reverse aging! Improve athletic performance! I wanted it all and I needed to know how to do it. I found my days consumed with intense "research", online forum discussions, and a growing fascination. I bought a food processor to create fun raw recipes. I've bought more books than I care to admit about nutritional healing.

I justified my actions through the whole process. It wasn't me being consumerist, this was for HEALTH. This was for vitality! This was for wellness. My preoccupation with being vital was taking over my life. I found myself searching for the "best" foods for my health, the "best" lifestyle to make me burst with energy and happiness. All my time and energy was spent trying to find ways to get more time and energy. I felt drained from my search. I probably know more than I need to about nutrition, and for the most part it's been a good thing. But I think it's time to give myself a break from all my investigation, if only temporarily. Health is so much more than eating the right combination of foods, or getting the right nutrients. True wellness is a conglomerate of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual characteristics. I'm sure I could be more healthy...I'm sure everyone can strive for perfection. But I realized that just as some people use fast food or junk food to dull their emotions or medicate, I was using my quest for the most perfect food to do the same. When I feel sad, or stressed, or lonely, creating the perfect meal plan won't change those feelings.

My plan is to (at least temporarily) give myself a break from the nutritional research. I think many people are so afraid of their emotions that they mask them with food. I'd like to shift my focus from food to the world. I genuinely enjoy reading about holistic healing, and the infinite possibilities it provides. But I think I need to look into things I haven't had "time" for since I've delved wholeheartedly into my research. I'd like to embrace music more, explore the mountains in my neighborhood, and be a tourist in my own city! I feel like so many outings and social gatherings are based around food. Why can't people get together and just enjoy each others company any more without seeking the emotional comfort in cooked delicacies? I'd like to find the answers to these questions, and take the time to listen to my own emotions more as well. Over the next 30 days I plan on returning to a simplistic way of eating; and taking food of it's macro-biotic, alkalizing, whole foods pedestal. There's much more to the world than the fuel we nourish our bodies with. And I'm excited to rediscover that world.

LA or Paris; yes, it's a real question!

As you know, I'm coming back to Team in Training as a mentor this season! I have quite a few reasons I'm doing it, and I'll write about it soon; when I get permission from the people who inspired me! For now, I've a much lighter topic to discuss:

Where should Amanda run her marathon?? I'm so excited for this season because there are two really great locations and races I can do...my biggest problem is figuring out which one I want to run. I'm wavering between running in LA and Paris. Most of you are sitting there, wondering if all the green smoothies I've been drinking have gone to my head and messed with my head. You're thinking I'm an idiot and the choice is obvious. Go ahead, call me an idiot. Get it out of your system. Done? Good. Even though it would be AMAZING to run my first marathon in Paris, there are a lot of barriers I'd have to work through, and it would (at least temporarily) cause a lot more stress in my life. Also, there are some distinct advantages and bonuses that come with running in LA. I'll break it down for you.

Paris: It would be GORGEOUS to run in Paris; it sounds like such a dream come true! I've never been to Europe, and running my first marathon and taking my first trip across the ocean at the same time would blow my mind! I don't know if I could handle the excitement. Even if the race totally sucked, it would be an experience I'd remember for the rest of my life. The downside to running in Paris would be that the race is on April 10th next Spring, probably a week or two before I have finals. Because I'm going to college on Scholarship, I can't afford to let my grades fall; I'm not willing to miss more than a few days of school. Most likely, I would fly out the Thursday before the race and come back Sunday after the race. This means spending thousands of dollars to spend almost as many hours in the air as I am on the ground! I'm trying to picture the retributions of severe jet-lag in addition to post-marathon exhaustion, in addition to the stress of studying for finals! Worth it? You tell me! Also, Aaron (the love of my life and fellow partner in crime last season with Team in Training) won't be able to come with me if I race in Paris and I'd feel bad leaving him behind while I get to sweat and take in the picturesque scenery.

LA: Granted, it doesn't have the Eiffel Tower. But it does have something equally awesome; my family! Specifically, the most awesome people in my family: My Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, and two fabulous cousins! I haven't seen them much since I joined the military 6 years ago, and I would be so proud to have them see me complete my first marathon, and visit with them after. My oldest cousin, Nik, is an amazing runner, and I'd totally score cool points with him if I manage to make it through the coveted 26.2. My uncle is a really awesome athletic guy, and makes the crazy hike up Mt. Whitney every year and I'd love to have him welcome me into the club of badasses in the family :) I could wax poetic about the fabulousness of my aunt, my other cousin Julia, my grandma and grandpa all day, but suffice it to say I would be super excited to have them there. I could never give up knowing they'd be there at the finish line. Also, the LA marathon is on the 20th of March, which falls during my spring break! This rocks for a lot of reasons. I could fly out a few days before the race, adjust to the (fabulous) LA climate, and not have to worry about catching a flight back right after the race and studying for finals. Aaron would be able to come with me to LA, and we're tentatively planning a road trip through California up to Monterey, San Fransisco, and possibly Napa Valley over spring break if I do the LA Marathon.

So, which race should I do? Glamorous, exciting, once-in-a-lifetime, stressful, inconvenient Paris without Aaron? Or semi-exciting, relaxing, family-filled, road-trip California with Aaron?

Here are the websites for the two races!
http://www.parismarathon.com/index_us.html
http://www.lamarathon.com/

For Matt...I'm gonna do 26.2 and keep up the blog!

Certain people seem destined to inspire...I've always wanted to be one of them. The idea of motivating someone to motivate THEMSELVES makes me want to run into the street and do a happy dance. A lot of my enthusiasm stems from the fact that I've always sought out sources of inspiration from my friends, coaches, teammates, and teachers. Looking back over the years, I realize how lucky I've been to have such phenomenal influences. I'll be forever grateful for the impact they had on my life. A few weeks ago I turned 25, and decided now that I'm older, wiser, and totally have my act together *cough* I feel like it's only natural that I want to repay my karmic debt to the world. But I'm still figuring out how to do it.

As children, we're told that we're these incredibly special little snowflakes that have a unique gift to give to the world. We're told we're talented and beautiful and brilliant, and that it's impossible for us to do anything wrong. We imagined ourselves becoming astronauts, ballerinas, cowboys, and unicorn racers :) We knew that our dreams were completely within our reach because we'd been told they were for the vast majority of our young lives! Our existence was riddled with endless potential and untapped talent, waiting to unleash itself at the right moment.

Now, twenty-something years later, I'm attempting to embrace that child-like confidence, find my unique talent, and use it to help others. But I've got a secret, and I keep letting it hold me back. It's a voice in my head, a little whisper I like to call the "un-cheerleader" who keeps telling me I can't do it, whatever IT happens to be at the moment. Part of why I love running so much is that it's a time when I rarely, if ever, am forced to combat this voice. It's drowned out by the tiniest noise; the gentle swish of my shoes over wet grass, the stream softly gurgling alongside the running path, my own breathing. Often towards the end of my runs I'm inundated by thoughts like, "Wow, you're doing great! This is so much fun! You could do this forever! You should run a marathon! You should run an Ultra! You should do an Ironman!! You should start an organization called 'Couch to Ironman' and encourage others to embrace a healthy and active lifestyle, and accomplish something they never thought possible! " Sometimes this voice gets a little carried away with itself :p

Or I TOLD myself that the voice was getting carried away with itself. I find that the more I listen to that voice, the more I love my life. It's the voice that told me to apply to become an officer, to strive for straight A's in college, and to buy my two beagle puppies even though I wasn't sure if I could handle the responsibility. It's the voice that told me to become a vegan. It inspired me to join Team in Training last October to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society while training for a half-marathon in Moab. It encouraged me to run another half marathon last July in Copper Mountain, and (soon to be) the Denver Rock and Roll half-marathon next weekend. That positive attitude, along with other reasons, is what made me join Team in Training again this season, this time for a full marathon. I'm coming back this season as a mentor, meaning not only will I run a full marathon next spring (which has been my dream for years!) I get to HELP people...which is kind of a big deal for me :)

I'm hoping that as I tackle the next 26.2 miles (and the supplemental training miles that go along with it) I will learn to silence my "un-cheerleader" voice, or at least have the sensibility not to listen to it. Mostly I'm excited to find out what crazy ideas I come up with on the run, and take the initiative to tackle a few of the more "unrealistic" ones :)

The Proposal, and why I didn't run a marathon last May

I distinctly remember feeling very angry the day after the Colfax Marathon in Denver. Even more than what I did feel, I remember the way I didn't feel; satisfied, accomplished, exhausted, or sore. I even would have been happy to feel a bit nauseous, woozy, or like I'd been hit with a brick wall. But I didn't feel any of those things...because I didn't run in the Colfax Marathon. For the life of me I can't remember what I did that day; I probably blocked it from memory. I must have eaten at some point, maybe worked out, done some homework. The day was completely uneventful. Even as I write this, it kills me that May 16th isn't the historic date that I ran my first marathon. If, in the years to come, I do remember something about that day, it will be the fact that I didn't run those 26.2 miles. Mark Twain once said, "20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Smart man, that Twain. The pain from the experience (or lack thereof) is still fresh, and when I think about what I could have accomplished that day, pangs of regret take hold of my heart and squeeze until I can hardly breathe.

I'm a dreamer by nature. Even as a little girl, I can remember waking up in the morning, deciding what to be when I grew up, and planning my day around that goal. In my earlier years I wanted to be a dancer; I'd grab my tutu, leotard, and princess crown and march myself to the tile in front of the fireplace where I’d practice tap-dancing for hours. Never mind that I was one of the least coordinated girls in my class, or that I couldn’t remember routines we learned. I just made them up as I went along, and that meant my performance was original. Years later I decided that I would be a National Geographic photographer and journalist; there was a period of about six months where I carried around this little journal with me everywhere I went. I wrote stories on the local wildlife to send in to the magazine and drew pictures in the margins because I didn’t have a camera. My grandparents heard countless tales of my career-driven endeavors; when we visited their house my grandpa’s first question often was, “What are you going to be today? An astronaut?”

I’ve never let go of this habit of dreaming. I still wake up in the morning preparing for the goals I want to accomplish, and planning what I’m going to be when I grow up. Which is why, I think, Aaron wasn’t surprised when I told him I wanted to run a marathon. He even chose to join in the fun.
Our similarities and differences in personality make us the perfect pair to train for a marathon together. I possess ridiculous enthusiasm and cheerleader-like gusto, he has the stubbornness and work ethic of an ox (do oxes have work ethic? You get the idea…) Also, we both love to work out. And we both have a tendency to crack jokes about situations when they suck. I feel like this is essential when training for any endurance sport…and life in general now that I think about it. So we ran. And ran. And ran. To the point where we ran much farther than we’d ever run before, and in the back of my mind, farther than I’d thought possible. There was laughter, tears, and exhaustion. There were some blisters. There was indigestion. Thank God there wasn’t GDF (look it up if you don’t know). More than anything, there was a sense of accomplishment. Every weekend we had a new goal, a new reason to drag our sleepy selves out of bed at 6 in the morning. I felt so proud of myself, and so proud of Aaron. I remember watching his heels kick out behind him at the end of our first run marking the longest distance we’d ever gone. His stride was smooth and efficient, showing little sign of the 14 miles we’d put in. I remember jumping into his arms, and him lifting me high into the air. I remember knowing that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I guess he felt the same way.

We were a few weeks out from our first half-marathon, and I was burned out. Between intense midterms, raising funds for our race, and running, my brain and body were fizzling out on me. We didn’t get to run with our group that weekend, and decided to go for a long run that Monday. God must have known what was going to happen because the weather was phenomenal, and the world looked absolutely stunning. We headed out to a familiar trail close by our house, and I let my body fall into a slow jog, my breath falling into the steady rhythm reserved for long distance running. Fresh snow covered the ground in a dazzling blanket, sparkling like a thin layer of diamonds. Aaron dropped a few feet behind me, and I lost myself in the warm sunshine, the glorious mountains ahead of us. I didn’t notice he’d stopped until I heard him call out, “Wait, I have something in my shoe.” I shook myself out of my trance, and waited, somewhat impatiently, for him to dislodge whatever it was so we could continue along our wintery trek. Then I noticed that he was on one knee…I think I screamed before he could say anything. I covered my mouth and stared at him, wide-eyed, completely in shock. He told me how we’d been through so much together; getting through crazy work hours and shift changes, applying for our commissioning program, moving to Colorado, and now training for a marathon. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and asked if I would marry him. Of course I said yes!

Which is why I knew I couldn’t run the Colfax Marathon without him. He’d proposed to me while we trained for that race together, and that made it “our” race. It was about our long journey together, literally and figuratively, and I didn’t want to experience it without him. We ran our first half-marathon together; shortly before the race Aaron started to experience some serious foot pain. Because he’s one of the most stubborn people I know, he continued to run for over a month through the pain. I should have made him stop, but our plan was to just make it through the marathon and then take some serious time off so he could recover. Probably about a week out from the race, we knew it wasn’t going to happen. He was only cross-training during the week, and even that was starting to bother him. It was starting to hurt when he walked. I wondered if he’d cracked a bone in his foot. If he went through with the race, there was a good chance he’d do some permanent damage, and we both knew it wasn’t worth it. It’s so frustrating when life gets in the way of our ambitious plans. Which is why I was angry; not at him, not at his foot, but just at life. I knew I wanted to run that marathon. I also knew that emotionally I couldn’t get through that race without him. It wouldn’t have felt right, and would have tainted the magic of an event that we’d been training to do for nearly 6 months, and wanted to do for years.

So we didn’t run. And I questioned whether I wanted to continue running long distance at all. So much time and effort goes into it! Most people don’t realize that running for 3 or 4 hours on a Saturday not only takes the actual running time, but pre-run preparation, and post-run recovery (which can last all day depending on how much of a beating your body takes!) The truth is I don’t know why I like running. I’m not fast. My body takes forever to recover. The thought of ingesting another gel ever in my lifetime makes me want to puke. But we ran the Bolder Boulder 10k at the end of May (Aaron’s last run before starting physical therapy) and I loved it. I don’t know why I run, but I know that it makes me feel happy. I know it makes me plan, and makes me dream. So I’m starting over again, and it’ll be interesting to see how the runs are different when I do it on my own. Maybe it will be a good thing. I signed up for the Copper Mountain Half Marathon in Colorado on the 4th of July. I’m easing into the training, remembering to embrace the process and enjoy the runs to prevent early burnout. My tentative plan is to run the Denver Rock and Roll Marathon on October 17th…almost exactly a year after I started training the first time for my first marathon. I know I want to do it. I know it’s going to be hard. I know fate could step in and deliver unforeseeable events that will prevent me from running it.

Right now I’m searching for that little girl who knew, beyond a doubt, that she was going to do something great, and woke up every morning with the initiative to make it happen.