Sunday, October 17, 2010

Hating myself right now.

Projectile vomit. Massive amounts of projectile vomit. That pretty much sums up my Saturday. Remember yesterday when I wrote about how I'd woken up nervous for the race, but then worked I it all out with myself and was fine? Around 2pm that stopped being true. I felt more nervous, scared, and nauseous than I have for any other race. I felt so's like there was a brick in my stomach. Several hours later, I felt like I'd regurgitated a brick. By 5pm I'd decided I was too sick and tired and defeated to run the next day. So I didn't.

And I hate myself for it right now. I can't believe I bailed. I don't get any take-backs, and I feel like that was a really stupid mistake for me to make. Clearly, I need a new strategy for handling pre-race nerves. That's the worst it's ever been.

After realizing my massive error in judgment, my initial instinct was to google the dates for the next half-marathon available and run it (even if I had to fly out of state to do it). Obviously, that plan wasn't realistic, and all dreams of redeeming myself quickly fell through. At this point, the most mature thing I can do is accept responsibility for my screw up and move on. Additionally, I'm going to figure out WHY I was so much more nervous for this race than the others. I'm not particularly excited about doing a bunch of soul-searching to find the answer; stuff tends to get messy when you go digging around your head for cosmic truths like that. BUT I'll do my best to figure it out, and let you know if I uncover something brilliant.

In the meantime, I plan to console myself with all the deliciousosity and yummyness that food has to offer. Only I suspect I'll be using a fairly unconventional method of comforting myself through food. Since I have a little over a month before I officially start marathon training, I feel like I can afford to play around with my diet a little bit and not suffer any serious performance/energy consequences.

As you probably know I'm a vegan... but what you might NOT know is that for the past few months I've been slowly transitioning to a more and more raw foods based diet. A raw diet basically consists of eating fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, and other unprocessed foods that haven't been heated above 115F. Supposedly, 115F is the magical number where the digestive enzymes and the other nutritional goodness in food starts to get destroyed. The general theory is: The more raw food you eat, the healthier you'll be.

I MAY have previously mentioned my intense never-ending quest for optimal health, and I may have also mentioned that I promised to quit my abundant internet research on foods and practices to help me achieve it. And I have! I will continue to do so! (continue to that a grammatically correct phrase?) There's this wealth of knowledge already in my head that I'm dying to try out. Maybe I'm just rationalizing because I need to have a definitive goal before I start training for another race. Maybe I'm trying to console myself after a crappy couple of days. Either way, I've come up with a plan, and I'm going to go through it.

THE PLAN: (dun dun dun...)
Attempt to maintain a completely raw food diet over the next month and see if I get all the amazing health benefits that have been promised as per the raw food experts (potential benefits include but are not limited to: clear glowing skin, more energy, weight loss *not really an issue*, improved digestion and improved overall health.) I doubt I could ever eat an entirely raw diet long term, but I'm interested in knowing if the health claims are true. Since I don't know any raw foodies firsthand, I'll just have to be my own personal guinea pig and see what happens.

There are a bajillion raw food websites out there, but this one gives the best brief synopsis if you're interested in learning more.

Have a great day! I know I'm not, lol :p Hopefully you'll hear tales of my amazing energy and happiness within the next few days, what with my dry-brushing (see previous post) and raw food diet, with no scary race to make me sic for months and months :)

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